Brad Pitt attacked for a second time in two days!

Brad Pitt was attacked for a second time in two days by a Kung Fu Master. 

Pitt was ambushed early this afternoon as he left a Star Bucks coffee shop in Beverly Hills. Pitt  received only minor wounds and was able to defend himself and fight off the Kung Fu master  because of the fighting techniques he learned from an earlier movie which he had been cast in.

The Kung Fu master ambushed Pitt as he was walking away from the coffee shop, onlookers who witnessed the attack indicated the the Kung Fu master was hiding behind some bushes and was wearing a camouflage ninja suit. The attacker jumped out from behind the bushes and attacked the actor from behind placing Pitt in a strangle hold. Mr.Pitt was able to break free of the attackers grip and then proceeded to lift the ninja over his head with both arms and body slam the ninja to the ground and then proceeded to urinate allover the ninja.

Onlookers who saw the fight said the ninja looked bewildered by the urinating, scrambling to his feet the ninja ran away and turned around and swore revenge against Mr.Pitt for a second time.

Witnesses to the attack indicated having heard Mr.Pitt  yell " bring it on! I'll be waiting!" and stated that Mr.Pitt proceeded to perform martial art kicks and punches as a display of his readiness for the next encounter with the Kung Fu master.

One thing is clear, don't fuck with Brad Pitt or you may be on the receiving end of an royal fight club asswhoopin.

Angelina Jolie adopting a tribe

Angelina Jolie announces the adoption of 500 African children. 

In the wake of her highly publicized divorce to Hollywood  movie star Brad Pitt, the famous actress Angelina Jolie is going to adopt  an African tribe to fill the void left by the absence of her ex husband.

She made the announcement early this morning while shopping for children's clothing at a high end children clothing store when she was seen buying 500 pairs of converse shoes.

She is going to personally rename all the children with names that match her mood at the moment. The first child was renamed " FuckOff" conveying how she  felt at the moment when she was first questioned about the adoption.

In other news , the comedian Larry David was saved by a bystander when he began to choke on a hot dog at the famous Pink's hot dog stand in downtown Los Angeles. 

Mr.David began choking on the hot dog when he tried to demonstrate that he could eat the hot dog in one bite.

Mr.David thanked the person for saving his life, and then made a comment to the savior about trying to use  the opportunity of having saved Mr.Davids life to try to cut to the front of the long line of customers who where waiting to order.
A yelling match ensued between Mr.David and the savior, Mr.David was asked to leave the premises.

Godzilla Attacks Japan! Again............

The Giant Kajui Godzilla has emerged from the pacific ocean and has attacked the Japanese city of Tokyo. 

Initial reports indicate the monster emerged close to the bay and immediately started attacking the harbor and the surrounding city. It is estimated damages could run into the millions. 

Civilians have been instructed to leave the city if possible, those who are unable to flee have been instructed to pray for the other giant kajui Mothra to intervene.

This is the 51st time Godzilla has attacked this city in the last century , scientist speculate that the monster is highly territorial, theorizing that the city of Tokyo is within the monsters perceived geographical territorial boundaries. 

It would naturally perceive human encroachment as a threat to its territory thus prompting the attacks. 

Other scientist have theorized , it is more simple than that, speculating that the  monster is an asshole and enjoys destroying the city as soon as it is rebuilt.  

It is unclear why the monster seems to attack, what is clear is that the city is in imminent danger. 

This just in from NASA. Aliens have made Audio contact !

NASA has indicated late last night at 2:47 am eastern time, NASA received an transmission of unknown origin from the far side of the Earths moon. 

The space agency has indicated that it is still too early to say who sent the transmission but initial findings suggest the signal originated from Earth's lunar body, it could however be from other origins further out in our galaxy.Some scientist have speculated that contact with an extra terrestrial species was inevitable. 

Giorogio Tsoukalos alien astronaut theorist has supported the possibility that aliens inhabit the moon and are directly responsible for mans existence on the earth. 

 Donald Trump on the other hand has thrown in his  hat and stated that if these aliens try to come to the  Earth without visa's he is going to build a wall  around the Earth to keep them out. 

Hillary Clinton has indicated she will fully support a peaceful relationship with aliens so long as they contribute to her presidential campaign. 

Brad Pitt confronted by Kung Fu Master over how to eat noodles

Brad Pitt was attacked today by a Kung Fu Master on Hollywood Blvd. 

While stopping for a quick bite this morning at HopSings Noodle Shack a local noodle spot just off of Hollywood Blvd and 5th street in downtown Los Angeles the star  got into a tussle when he started pouring hot sauce into his noodles. 

The man who confronted Pitt was a Shoalin Kung Fu master who disagreed with Pitts choice of pouring hot sauce on his noodles. 

The two began exchanging blow's , Pitt a trained master of street fighting began to slap the kung fu master with his shoe and left the kung fu master stunned while Pitt poured more hot sauce in his noodles. 

 The Kung Fu master then vowed to seek revenge on Pitt and left the scene. 
Pitt in turn flexed his muscles and brushed off the incident and then rode away on his bicycle.